Just living life.

One would think that our life is just adoption all the time. And trust me, it a subject that is always in my mind. But honestly, our life is about so much more than that. Daniel, my soldier boy is a busy little bee. He gives so much for his men. That is the one thing that really tied us together when I was a soldier too--our love or the Army, and for our soldiers. But when he comes home, he makes me feel like I am the only person in the world. What can I say, the man loves his family!

As for me, I am going to school full time. I graduated in the Spring with an AAS in Healthcare Technology and am currently working on my BS in Administration. I work at Belk deapartment store an recently was accepted into the management training program which I will complete in April of next year.

Noelle, recently moved out into her very own apartment! And we do miss her. It is hard to see them grow up and go their own way. But I talk to her every day, and she doe not live far. Just yesterday, I went to visit her, and her little place is so cute and bright. Malia is a senior this year, and has a job at Sonic, that she loves believe it or not. I need to take her back to school shopping.

So, what is life like for us? Laid back. Daniel and I are really into our family. We just like to hang out together. We are huge fans of grilling out, and do it several times a week. We like to prepare meals together. I believe that cooking is a great way to show my family that I love them. I really think that you can taste the love that goes into home cooked food. Yesterday, we went geocashing and had the best time. It is a great way to get outside, and spend time exploring a new area looking for treasures and having fun.

So, as we prepare and wait for the newest member of our family to arrive, we continue to live life to the fullest, making new memories, laughing, loving, eating, and enjoying every day as it comes.

Paperwork, Paperwork, Paperwork

It seems like I have been filling out stack after stack of paperwork from the very beginning of this journey. I knew that there would be red tape, but wow! The funny thing is that it's all pretty much the same stuff. So, over the last five weeks, I have filled out several forms for different entities all stating the same thing. Sigh! It is pretty incredible, how bare you have to strip yourself to in order for others to consider you for adoption. it is all so humbling and even scary. The brunt of gathering all the necessary documents and filling out these forms has fallen on my shoulders. At the end of the day, Daniel and I discuss the paperwork, I answer questions as they come up, and he signs and or initials where he needs to. It is a system that works.

Currently, we are in a good place in the process. The paperwork part of the homestudy is almost complete. All we need is to go to the doctor for our physicals and take the animals to the vet. Seein the doctor has proven to be a challenge as I am having a hard time even getting the clinic to call me back to make an appointment, and Daniel's schedule is tighter than president Obama's. :) But once that is out of the way we can have our two meetings with the social worker and be done with the home study.

Our adoption loan was approved, and there are a few forms that still need to be signed for that. Sometime next week we should be working with the media department at the agency in order to put our profile together. After that, it will just be sitting tight and waiting for the birthmother that is carrying our baby to find us.

In the mean time, I have started to make plans for the baby's nursery and for purchasing a few things to have ready for baby just in case we get a call and have little reaction time. I have decided on Winnie the Pooh for baby's rooms. I want it to be a bright and comfy place. I am going to paint the room a nice bright yellow and perhaps have a cool mural. More to come on that.

So, it's official.

We have officially signed the contract to retain Adoption Network Law Center. We also decided to do an adoption specific line of credit, so that we didn't have to feel the pressure of spending all of our liquid assets. The interest rate is only 8%, and I think that it will give us a bit more wiggle room when it comes to expenses. We should hear something back on that on Monday or Tuesday of next week.

For the time being, the quest for getting this home study paperwork finished continues. I have ordered the background checks from a company called Background Ferret, which the homestudy agency suggested that we use. I tried to contact them to see about the status of the order and no one has gotten back to me yet, which I hate. It is so annoying when I try to contact a business with a question and they don't get back to me in a timely manner.

Monday we are making all the doctors appts to get that out of the way. Letters of reccomendation have been requested and are in the works. The FBI clearances and fingerprints need to be ordered still. That particular process is a bit cumbersome. I have to take the animals to the vet and upadate their shots because I have to have that as part of the file as well. The rest of the paperwork is pretty much done.

In the mean time, life just goes on. We laugh and play, and work, and study and just enjoy being a family.

The home study

So, we are currently going through the home study process. We chose an agency in Smyrna, TN called Adoption Assistance and our Social Worker's mame is Kelly Stewart. What is the home study process? Well, by law, anyone that wants to adopt a child is required to have an approved home study. During this process, which must be handled by a licenced agency or social worker, the couple's life story is compiled and put together in report format.

The process can seem quite invasive and overwhelming because litterally no stone is left unturned. The paperwork required is quite extensive and includes financial statements, several letters of reccomendation, heath clearances, background checks, fingerprints, and FBI checks, 3 income tax returns, and other pertinent information. There are two visits involved; one in the home and one at the social worker's office. We will be expected to discuss why we are adopting and our expectations of the process. The social worker needs to get a good picture of our family through the interviews. Once all of the paperwork and interviews are complete the report will be compiled, and at that point it will be approved or disapporved.

I am not that nervous, mostly because our social worker is so nice and apporcheable. Hopefylly we will be done with this part over the next 30 days. Once this is complete, we are ready to be matched, so I am really excited.

A THOUGHT ABOUT MONEY

This adoption process/journey has been a real education and I want my blog to not only highlight our adventure but to educate those that care to read it about the issues, setbacks, and the overall process of adoption. There are a lot of misconceptions concerning adoption. Just like there are a lot of misconceptions about fertility, and I think that people deserve to know what it is really like. Some families wish to make the process a very private situation. Others have a higher calling and want to let others know about the plight of all orphans and not just their own cause.

One very real part of the process is the financial aspect. For some reason no one wants to talk about it--probably because it is not so pleasant to talk about exchanging money for a child. Truth is, I never had rose colored glasses about the situation. I have always known that the true bottom line of adoption for many agencies is the profit. There is really no way around it, the cost is quite high, even for special situations such as special needs children, minority babies, and sibling groups--there will be costs involved. THat is just the world that we live in today.

I have read many blogs from adoptive parents in which they share the many different ways in which they raised money in order to fund their adoptions. I think it just humanizes the process, and makes the story even more special. Because honestly, few of us have 20 to 30 thousand socked away to pay the up front costs of an adoption. Finances are the number one reason why people hesitate to adopt. That is why I wish to share and educate. There are so many programs and so many unique ways to raise funds, and that is not including the tax and employer grants and benefits.

Daniel and I have about 19 thousand in cash that we can access. But that is all of our liquid savings, and I don't know if we will want to use it all. We may ask for an increase on our line of credit at our bank, or refinance the house if Daniel wants to. THere are also a ton of fundraisers that we could do by going through agencies that specialize strictly in adoption related fundraising. These are all an option if we don't want to borrow money from a lender. There are even such things as adoption loans. We also have A visa and a master card with low interest and high credit limits that we can use to cover expenses such as travel and things like that. I am even gonna do a booth a the nashville flea market, and a few festivals to sell some of my jewelry.

I intend to share these things on the blog because they are just a part of our journey. I want others to know that average folks like Daniel and I can afford and achieve adoption. We don't have to be executives, or celebrities or doctors, or public figures. In fact the typical adoptive family is just like us--imperfectly perfect.

A Tribute. (A Note I wrote on Facebook)

Those of you that are close to us know about our struggles and strong desire to have a child over the past several years. Most of you know about all the losses, and the pain, and may have even been there to hold our hand and wipe our tears and tell us that everything was going to be okay. But you now, the time comes that a person just gets worn out and tired of trying and trying. I had to come to terms and make peace with the fact that my uterus--was closed for business. So with that one door closed, another opened to the world of adoption. And Daniel and I walked through that door.

So, we are starting this journey, and wanted you to know. We hope that you will share with us and be glad with us when we finally get to bring our baby home. WE are using The Adoption Network Law Center in Lake Forest, California. When I was looking through their website, I found a section which contains letters written by birth mothers to their unborn children. There was a particular letter that really caught my eye, and it let me know that we are not the only ones that suffer loss and pain. I am going to share that letter with you because I think that it really humanizes the adoption process. Somewhere out there is a young woman that is just finding out that she is pregnant, and is scared. She doesn't know it just yet, but the little one she is carrying is our child.

I will keep you guys up on our updates through these notes from time to time. Love you all.



My Dearest Matthew,

I have a strong belief that we get to choose our family before we are born. That we live with God before we become a flesh and blood person and He offers us a number of people to be our families on earth. As a result of this belief, I wrote you a short story.

~~~~~

Once a small angel waited by the pool of life. Eager to jump in, he started to put his big toe into the warm comforting water.

"Matthew," God called, "Before you can be born, you must choose the family with which you will reside. Come… choose your new home from the Great Tree."

The Great Tree loomed above Matthew. Its beautiful golden branches made his step falter with awe. Angels flittered everywhere, hovering like hummingbirds under the wide canopy; they gently plucked the brown leaves.

Kneeling so that he could speak into Matthew's ear, God whispered, "One of those branches holds your family. All you need to do is choose the family you want. Touch a branch and it will show you all the joys and trials that you will have in that life." With that, God lifted the boy up to the tree and asked, "Which leaves would you like to look at first?"

Many hours later and after looking at many families, Matthew did not see any that he liked and so he asked God, "May we look at the very tippy top?"

Heavenly Father smiled a warm and comforting smile. "Those are the adopting families" He thought. He did not say a word but simply moved to the highest and most center part of the tree.

Matthew looked and looked, but he still didn't find any families that he was happy with. He was just about to give up when he saw one of the leaves sparkle. He reached out and touched the branch, and he knew that was his home. Excited, he turned his little head to God and exclaimed, "This is it! This is my family! They are the ones I want to be with! They are waiting for me!"

The Lord looked at the branch and smiled. It had two large leaves and one small one. "That is a very special family my son. You will not be able to go to them the traditional way." Upon seeing the crushed look on Matthews face, God continued, "You get to choose another mother, she will be your birth mother and she will be guided to your parents and you will end up in their arms as you have chosen to be."

After another long while, Matthew found someone, he believed, would be a great birthmother. Beaming he touched another branch and said, "This one! She will love me and she will want me to be happy with my family, I choose her." Again God smiled.

Thank you for choosing me. Much love always and forever ~

Your Birthmother,
Cristal

HERE WE ARE!

So, this is us, Daniel, Elle, Noelle (18), and Malia (17). I also need to mention that we have 4-four legged children: two cats and two dogs. I feel the need to include them in our stories, as they are a part of our family and will be impacted as well by the new developments as they come.

The winning agency, or I should say, law firm is Adoption Network Law Center out of Lake Forest California. We chose them because they specialize in domestic newborn adoptions, and are nationwide. On the 29th of June, we have our first telephone consultation with Kay Tanner. That is when we will find out all of the particulars so that Daniel and I can officially retain them. I also found an agency out of Smyrna that will be conducting our home study. They are called Adoption Assistance Inc. The cost of our home study will be $1500, and the process should take about six weeks. with this particular agency.